i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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