remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
