Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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