Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
