what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
