i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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