so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize