forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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