He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
