shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize