Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
