I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
