i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
