This is not my ceiling
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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