You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
