it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
