I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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