My brain says no but my pants say off.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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