So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
