garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
