ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
