if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
