honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
