I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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