There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
