Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
