I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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