dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
