508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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