I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
