i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize