One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
