God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
