so explain again why im purple
no
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
