Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
