whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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