If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
