I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
