She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
