Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize