After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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