i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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