She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
