Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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