Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
