you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
