he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
