Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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