hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
