it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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