I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
