if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
