you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
