how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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