Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
