Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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