12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
