she woke up with a sticky ear
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
