he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
