How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
