i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fuck appropriateness.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize