i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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