I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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