I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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