He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
