I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
