lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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