he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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