WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize