just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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