If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
