Can Purell be used as lube?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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