i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
