I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
