I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize