I wish my penis had an off switch
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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