I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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