Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize